Thanks Andrea and Amanda for your comments yesterday. I really needed them. Thank you Thank you!!!
As I was thinking about why I was in a funk yesterday I realized a few things. One of the most important being this: Lately in my ward and in other places, I have heard a lot (A LOT) about doing the essentials first and then everything else working out. For me the list of essentials is exhaustingly long. I feel completely overwhelmed because the "essentials" are already more than I can handle. I always feel like a failure because I can't even seem to get to all of the essentials, let alone the "good but not essential" stuff. It has been frustrating and debilitating to me mentally and spiritually.
So yesterday, after I wrote my sad, sad, needy post, I went out to get a few things done. The sun was shining and it wasn't as cold as I thought it was and I took a breath of fresh air. I came home with a little more happiness in my heart. I read comments from good friends and pondered what I could do to make the right choices to find more happiness in my life and I made a decision about something. I decided I needed to revise my list of essentials. So, for now, my list of essentials contains 4 things: praying, personal scripture studying, getting the beds made (ideally getting everyone to take care of their own), providing a good dinner every night. That should leave me time to take time for myself and do things that are therapeutic for me (like blogging), and still get other things accomplished. This means that my house won't look perfect which is hard for me to come to, because I really believe that order is an essential quality of heaven and I'd like to have a heavenly home on earth. But I also realize that I have been struggling for a long time to find ways to get my family more involved in taking responsibility for our home. Now I am going to have time to study out how to make this happen.
Yesterday was hard, today is still hard but it feels better. Thanks for listening!